I WISH THEYALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS
The BEACH BOYS are dope
I love BEACH BOYS
Hey, Ladies, How are you doing?
Wait a minute
Hey, Where you goin'? Let's get a some Sushi!
Hey! Hey, Cutie!
That was my CD
Don't you evertouch a chinese man's CD
Did you see the way those girls drove off? They was laughing at us
Those girls drove off because of you
All I did was invite them to have a drink
You invite them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat
Which word was "goat"?
You owe me a copy of the BEACH BOYS ' greatest heat
Don't be getting' no attitude with me, Lee
I been here three days and ain't done nothing' but work your cases
Only reason why I'm here in Hong Kong is 'cause you said you was gonna show me a good time
I'm on vacation, man, and I want some Mu Shu
Mu Shu? You hungry?
No, Lee, not Mu Shu, some Mu Shu
I wanna see some women, man Now stop palyin' dumb and show me to the Mu Shu
What was that?
Did you just take another damn case on my vacation, man?
Of course not
My superintendent invite us to a club Big party tonight
Don't be messin with me, Lee I'll slap you so hard, you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty
I mean it, man I'll bitch-slap you back to Bangkok
Big party? Big one
Okay, well, let's go party then
Hey, this is nice Hey, cutie
They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in
What do you mean, blend in? I'm two feet tallerthan everybody in here
Wait here
Where you goin'? Bathroom
Hurry back, man, 'cause we gonna party
How you doin'?
Come here a lot? It's a nice place.
I won't make you, Baby. What in the world is goin' on up in here?
Am I the only one listenin' to this?
The man destroyin' a classic!
With the force
Get closer oh, get closer...
I'm burnin' now...
Just love me...
Don't stop till you get enough
Carter!
Come on! Come on!
Carter!
Come on! Lee
Cater!
Come on! Come on!
I'll be right back I'll be right back
Lee, these people love me
Come on out here. Get off the stage
Are you crazy, man? I'm a star! I'm a god to these people
Come cheak this out. This is a gangster bar. We are here undercover
I knew you was lyin'. I knew you was lyin', Man
I'm sorry, Carter
You a liar
We are here to find Ricky Tan. We must tread softly
Tread softly? What in the world you talkin' about?
Who taught you how to roust a bar? "Tread softly"
These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China
You think that scare me? I'm from Los Angeles. We invented gangs
Give me that badge
No! You are civilian! In Hong Kong I'm Michael Jackson! You are ToTo!
You mean TiTo! ToTo is what we ate last night for dinner. Now give me that badge!
No!
Okay, Listen up!
Right now!
What did ljust say?
You just asked everybody to pick up their Samurai swords... And shave your butt
I said that? Yes
Come out here and transrate this for me. Come on
All right, listen up!
All the Triads and the ugly women on this side,
and all the fine women on this side right now!
Transrate it!
Okay, Y'all gonna act like y'all. Don't hear what I'm sayin'
All right, Who in here know Ricky Tan? Raise your hand. Transrate
I see what's goin' on here
Okay. I ain't got time to be playin' no games now
Hu Li
I'm talkin' everybody... Hey, Lee! Out of the way! L.A.P. D!
Lee! Hold up!
Oh, Hell no
Lee, I'm takin' the stairs!
Sorry for interrupting your meal, sir
Carter! Over here!
Lee! Help me!
How you get down there?
Hurry up! Hold on! Don't let go, Man
Watch out behind you!
Behind you!
What? Who the hell was that?
Lord Jesus, I don't wanna die
Lee, help me, Man!
Don't worry, Chinese bamboo is very strong
You sure, Man? I'm sure
Let go! Let go!
I can't believe I flew 10000 miles forthis shit
I can't believe you lied to me, Man
I'm sorry
You sorry? I got somebody's old chopsticks stuck up my ass
and all you gotta say to me is you sorry?
There was an explosion I don't give a damn
At the american embassy Two American were killed
So you think this guy Ricky Tan blew up the embassy?
I don't know
Well, why the hell are you lookin' for him then?
We're gonna find out
No. You gonna find out, Man
There's two billion Chinese people, here. Let one of them be your partner
Where the hell we at now?
Massage Palor, Heaven on earth
Now this is more like it
I'm about to go in here and get a massage... And a hot tea bath right now
Just fallow my lead act like a tourist
I'm a tourist, fool
Hey! Slow down, Chen!
Hell is wrong with you? ...girl
My American friend is on vacation. I want to show him a good time
Oh, you American
You bring American money?
I got it, Lee
You sure? I'm sure
Thank you
Right this way gentlemen
You ready?
I'm ready
Oh, my goodness
This place is off the hook! I love Hong Kong
You get massage from Chinese girl before?
No, but I heard it was the bomb
Come with me
You pick any girl foryou and yourfriend
Any girl? Any girl
I don't know where to start
I'll take that one right there
She got to come. Oh, yes she's very nice
She is nice but I hurt my back and my neck and my need a little bit more massage
You know? I'm gonna take her in the pink, too
And let me get her Hey, Baby
And let me have her Can I get hertoo? And her right there
She good with feet? Oh, yes
What are you doing? She said I could have any girl I want in here
Well, Hurry up
Man, what's up with you? You don't jump in front of a black man in a buffet line
Calm down! I have to... Yourfriend has big appetite
Please, follow her upstairs into the quiet room
It ain't gonna be no quiet room no more
Y'all don't knowhow good this feels
I got in a big fight last night with the triads. Y'all ever heard of the triads?
I beat down like 20 of 'em. Y'all should be seen me. It was on
This is what I'm talkin' about, man!
Now I'm on vacation. Ljust knew it
America? Wanna come to America with me? Ever been to America?
Lee, how's your girl?
Lee, what's wrong?
That's Ricky Tan
That's Ricky Tan? That's a midget in a bathrobe!
I will call for backup The man is fourfeet tall. Let's go bust him right now!
No. He's a very dangerous man
I'm a very dangerous man. Look, let's go overthere and bust him, man
Stay here
You don't need backup. I got your back...
Excuse me for a minute. Just for a minute
I'll be back. Don't... I'll be back
Ricky? Ricky Tan?
Get up, dog. Let's go. I've been lookin' foryou everywhere
I'm busy at the moment
Did you hear what I said? I'm busy too. Now, get on yourfeet Get up! Get up yourfeet!
I know you. You are Lee's American friend, right?
No, I'm Lee's new muscle
Don't let this robe fool you. This is the only colorthey had left
Now said, get up! I ain't gonna say it
You American are so funny
And you asians don't hearthat well
Little Ricky!
Get your little punk ass up... Outta that chair right now!
You're messin' up my vacation. Now, I told you to get up, didn't I?
Now I gotta go off on you
Let me bust his ass, Lee Let me take care of this
Look, little man. You comin' with...
Oh, my lord
I would like to pay you forthat laptop
I think I should do that no problem
I can get you a new one. I seen it on the internet, with a DVD player
Now, I must excuse myself
Have a godd day
Lee, why didn't you tell me this man rolls like this?
I told you already! No, you didn't!
What you said? I did this
What you said? What do this mean? Speak English to me
That means I go this way and you go this way
I go that way, you go this way?
Sorry, man!
All Y'all look alike! Watch out!
Carter! Lee!
No wonderyou mad. Don't worry. It's okay
You better get the hell outta here
Flip me! What?
Flip me!
Look, you've been ordered by the ministry of public security...
To assist the F.B.I. And secret service in our investigation,
To provide us with whatever we need
You have information. It belongs to us
This is still Hong Kong
Two Americans have been killed on U.S. Government property Give me two copies of that
This is our investigation
Chief inspector Lee will supervise your people
No, he will report to me. Do we understand each other?
What the hell is that?
That is uh,
chief inspector Lee
I ain't never been humiliated and embrrassed like that...
In my whole entire life. Got me runnin' around Hong Kong butt-naked, thanks to you
Thanks to me? Yeah, thanks to you
You needed backup, so I gave you backup
I was about to kick Ricky Tan's ass, and his bodyguard's, till you messed it up
Stop. I'm sick of your bullshit
I'm sick of you! I'm not the one runnin'up in karaoke bars full of gansters
And I'm not the one runnin' up in massage parlors lookin' for crime lords
It's my job
It's your job. You pitiful, man. When are you gonna have some fun?
When are you gonna take a day off? When are you gonna go on a date?
I have plenty of dates When's the last time you had a date?
When's the last time you played "hide the rainbow roll"?
Huh? Let's hear it, Lee! The year of the rat?
You will never understand me
You right, 'cause I didn't even understand what you just said to me right then
They got my passport back at that massage parlor
good afternoon, sir?
This is special agent sterling from the U.S. Secret service
Secret service? Why?
Have a seat, please!
What il'm about to tell you cannot leave this room
The men who were killed yesterday were not American translators
They were undercover U.S. Custom agents,
tryin' to break a Triad Amuggling Ring
Smuggling what? We don't know
But whatever it is, it got the agents killed
How can we help you?
You can stay the hell out of our way
Thank you
I can get you Ricky Tan
No. We know all about Tan That's why we're leaving him out there as bait
This is a lot biggerthan Ricky Tan... And the Fu Cang long Triads
Hey, cutie
Thank you, Lee
Carter! Carter!
Uh, Heaven on earth Massage parlor?
Heaven on earth?
Hello. Cheap Suits
Hello. Cheap Suits Cheap Suits
How cheap?
Cheap suits. Cheap as hell?
Excuse me, can you direct me...
To heaven on earth massage parlor, please?
Hello, how are you?
No, No, wait a minute
I don't want to chicken
What am I gonna do with a chicken?
I don't like my chickens live, okay?
I like 'em dead and deep fried. You ever heard of Popeye's?
No, No! No! Don't kill chicken
g you. I'm a police officer. Put the blade down and let the bird go
You okay, Lee?
All he wanted was some Mu Shu
Damn!
Hey, taxi! Taxi!
Follow that car
Hey, follow that limo
This is a chase, okay? Wherever he goes, you go
You're not movin'! This is the opposite of chasin'
I'll slap you
If you don't move this car I'm gonna slap you
Okay, allright. Okay, look here. You understand that?
Now you're speaking my language. Get the hell on then
come on, let's go
That was lost someone, that day truly love
Come on,
check it out
We just heard Ricky Tan is throwing a party on his boat tonight
Wait right here. I'll be right back
You understand? Yes, I understand
And don't eat my chicken, okay?
Okay, okay
Okay, Jesus!
How you doin', baby? Carter, James Carter! Baldwin hills
Isabella Molina. From San Juan
San Juan?
I know San Juan. I traveled there many times on my private plane
knowmygoodfriend Pedro Morales Magonzales Marato Molaso
I don't think so, No You sure?
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you rode in the best of circles
en. Makeyourselffeel at home You need anything... Champagne,
My yacht is youryacht
This is youryacht?
That's right. I'm the owner, The captain
El capitan? Yes, listen
I'm not gonna play games with you. I want you right now
e and you downstairs in one of those bedrooms... In about five m
Well, I'm very tempted. It's such a beautiful yacht
What's it called?
Youryacht
The S.S. Minnow Johnson
The S.S. Minnow Johnson?
Funny, the name on the back was the red dragon
The red dragon? Are you sure?
Oh, I'm sure. Because this is my friend's yacht
Yourfriend's yacht? And this is his party
I must've got on the wrong yacht. All these yachts look just alike these days
I knew somethin' was wrong when my key didn't work
Who's yourfriend? Somebody who got on the wrong yacht
Hey, wait a second. I know you. Steven Reign, right?
You own half ofLos Angeles Whatyou doin'out here in Hong Kong
I'm here forthe weekend, taking in the sights
You must have your own plane too
It's fun, ain't it? Shall we?
Well, enjoy the party, Mr. Carter
I plan to Ms. Isabella
See you later, Stevie
Ricky Tan Where is he? I don't know
He killed a detective today. Where is he?
Who got killed man?
Carter!
Who died, Lee?
You Detective Yu?
Not Yu, You!
Who?
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth, man
Ricky Tan is waiting foryou
What the hell is going on here, Lee?
Remember I told you my father was a policeman?
Ricky Tan was his partner
Don't forget who your work for
Lee, I've been expecting you. Please ask your partnerto wait inside
Hell, No! I ain't goin' nowhere
I'm not leavin' you alone Lee! I'll be fine
You sure? Yes
I'll be right upstairs
I know what everybody's saying I did not blow up the American Embassy
I'm not that stupid
But I believe some of my people did
My enemies are trying to frame me
There is a war going on right now within the Triads
I'm afraid I'm gonna lose this time
If yourfarther wew still alive. I would turn to him for advice
Please don't
Lee, I really need your help. I cannot trust anybody else
Tell me why they killed the custom agents
I'll give you all the information you need
But you've gotta get me out of Hong Kong right away
Hey, lady, what are you doin'?
Get down, I'm L.A.P.D.
You just kick me?
Ttayourmind. Youwantsomeofme? I'mgonnagiveyou an L.A. P
You okay? Yeah
I slipped and I fell, hey
What? Am I bleedin'?
Quite a night, inspector
Ricky Tan was our only bait. Now he's gone
So you got your revenge...
At the expense of a U.S. Government investigation
What are you talkin' about, revenge?
Now, I don't know if the Triads paid you to get rid of Tan or if it was a pure vendetta killing...
or if you involved in the smuggling yourself but you're off this case
I don't ever wanna see you again. Is that clear?
Hey, what's goin' on here? Carter, you're in enough trouble
Just shut up Stay out of it
You're goin' back to L.A. Right now
That's fine with me, man. I ain't had fun since I been out here
Sorry, Lee
Escort detective Carterto the airport
I'll take him
Get your hands off
Carter, you don't understand
Oh, I understand, all right I got knocked off a building I got beat on
I got stripped butt-naked, and you held out on me, man. I'm outta here
Carter, Ricky Tan set up my farther What?
Five years ago, my farther was working a big international smuggling case
He found out his partner, Tan, was working forthe Triads
But before he could prove it, he was killed
All the evidence disappeared... Tan resigned, and case was never solved
This is all about your daddy's last case
So I get it now.
What?
You know my daddy died on the job too
If I had a chance to square his death, I'd do whatever it took. I'd do anything
So you comin' or what?
Why L. A?
Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's theory of criminal investigation:
Follow the rich white man
Follow therich white man? Exactly, now you're learnin'
Every big crime has with a rich white man behind it waitin'for his cut
Now in our case, we know who the rich white man is Steven Reign
Who?
Steven Reign, the hotel billionaire. I saw him on Ricky Tan's boat
When the shootin' started, he was way too cool
I'm gonna tell you somethin' When people start sootin', white people ain't that cool
They either runnin' around, hidin' behind tables, or screamin' like,"Aah!"
You should like that all the time
Let me tell you somethin' about black people. When stuff goes down, we keep our cool
Maybe, but not like asians. We never panic. Yeah, right
When godzilla's comin', y'all be trippin'. I seen the movie
You be, "Gaica, Gaica!" Carter. Yellin' everywhere. I seen Chinamen
Mr. Carter, excuse me
Thank you so much. It's the Kosher meal?
There he is, right there
Mr. Steven Regin, livin' largein one of his panthouse suites
Oh, guess who this is
Yep, that's her
That's the woman that was on Ricky Tan's boat, right there
old you it'd work out. Know what I'm talkin' about. All we gotta do
They still talkin'?
He's leaving He'll be back
How do you know? I know
You see how fine that woman is? He'll definitely be back
What's she doing?
What's she doin', Man?
She's just standing around, not doing much
Well, just don't fall asleep Sooner or later, something's gonna happen
Okay, ljust try to stay awake. It's just so boring
Oh. Slow down, baby
What?
Nothing. I said nothing You said somethin'
I said nothing I heard you say somethin'
Noth-nothing
Lee, what's going on, man?
She's getting undressed What?
She's just getting undressed Give me that!
No! It's not right!
Load, have mercy! What?
She took her skirt off Oh, I... I cannot hearthis
Black panties, black bra...
Victoria's secret, spring catalogue, page 27
Let me look a little closer
Oh, look at that Got a littlrtattoo. That's cute
Looks like Snoopy
Snoopy? Yeah... I love Snoopy
Wait. I love Snoopy too. Let me look at this thing
Hold up! Wait a minute
She's goin' to the door. Wait a minute, wait a minute. She's openin' the door
Look like somebody droppin' off a package
Wait a minute
Look like the same girl who dropped off the package at your office
It's a bomb
Watch out! Watch out! It's this one right here, I think Hey, lady, you got a bomb in there
Open that door!
Kick the door
No, no, no, no! Damn, you fine
Carter! Come on, Lee! Where?
Don't drop it! Come on, this way! Where should we go?
I bajate! I bajate senora! Roof! Roof!
Don't trip! Be careful!
Throw it, Lee! Where?
Lee, throw it! Where? Throw the bomb overthe edge!
Throw it overthe edge!
No, there's pepole down there!
Lee, throw it! Throw it! No!
Throw it! No!
We about to die!
Okay, get on yourfeet
Enough, all right? Put that down!
It's a bomb! Put that down!
Guys, no bomb Nothing
Now stay away before I throw you both in jail for obstruction
Throw us in jail?
Lady, you must be outta your mind. I'm about to bust you right now
I'm an undercover agent forthe united states secret service
How do we know that? Show me a badge right now
Here you go
Let me see that again. L-I didn't get a good look at that
We can help you. I'm a detective from Hong Kong
I know who you are, inspector Lee
We need to go out of sight, so come down to my suite
Now, why did you say it was a bomb?
No, you said that No, you said it
You said that in the hotel room. I said she was the bomb
she was the bomb?
Look, I'm been working this case for months now, so if I seem a little aggravated, I apologize
You need to tell us what's goin' on
The Triads and Regin, they think I'm a crooked customs agent
Is that a payoff?
No. That's a sample. You guys ever heard of the superbill?
I heard of it. It's a myth
Some kind of counterfeit. Honey, it's much more than a counterfeit
Foreteen out of fifteen world banks even tell the difference
The paper is crane linen blend, and the bills are printed on U.S. Intaglio presses
You wanna tell us how in the world they get into the U.S. Mint to use the presses?
Why? Because we wanted his oil
Our government gave him a gift...
A U.S. Treasury Intaglio printing press
Now, it's the only one to ever leave the country
Five years ago, Ricky Tan bought the press on the black market
Five years ago? That's right before he left the force
Earlierthis year, Ricky Tan got a hold of one-of-a-kind swiss-made hundred-doaller plates,
and he started printing superbill
That's why Hu-Li killed him... forthe plates
And they've printed and shipped one hundred million dollars
There's only one way to stop a fake
They use an optical transfer ink from India that burns red
You see? Now, the real ink, it burns black